• Women have more gas than men.
• Men "get on with things" no matter what.
• 2 – no 3 – is better than 1.

We've now been married for 3 months. I'm always eager to learn something new so every so often I try and make a heshbon nefesh – an accounting of the soul.

This latest one has been of the body too…discovering that women are far gassier than men (at least in our case). While it may not seem significant, the "Good Book" tells us we can learn something from everything. This lesson is connected to lesson no. 2 – that men suppress everything, while women express what's going on, feel things and phew…., let them out.

There's nothing wrong with either way of dealing with life's little bumps. But it's important to acknowledge these differences early on and, more importantly, accept them. The problems begin when you try to convince them to deal with things your way, like when I heard some sad news about someone, reported it to husband who responded "well you never know Hashem's plan; it could have been worse." Rather than get devastated, I called 2 girlfriends. Another friend reported she had a huge fight with her husband, on reporting the same news. His response was "Well, it didn't happen to you."

Before internalizing this lesson I was somewhat stressed. "If I died…" I said to Daniel, "you'd probably be okay within about 2 weeks, wouldn’t you?" "Well you know me," husband replied, "I just get on with things." I sat there, mouth wide open, berating him for his insensitivity. "Maybe," he responded, "but" (he added quite correctly) "that's what you love about me."

It’s true. I wouldn't have it any other way. Having had relationships both types of personality with men, I wouldn't change Daniel for the world. It's great one of us is all-emotional and passionate, but if we were both like that it'd be a disaster and nothing would ever get done because we'd be "feeling" too much at the expense of "doing." Daniel makes things happen even in the midst of mass emotion.

Likewise, there's something to be said for letting things out. First, it relieves any difficult movement in one’s bowels! Second, because Daniel will Baruch Hashem listen to my spiraling thought-patterns – however far-removed they are from his mindset – I feel like I've been heard and my body-soul rhythm regains its flexibility. For some reason he doesn't need to do this; or perhaps he just doesn't want to, but for me it works and I will continue to express, rather than suppress.

And now for the third lesson: The other day I sliced my finger slightly on a blade whilst washing up. It wasn't too bad, truth be told, but having such a strong imagination the vision of it made me feel a little sick and I screamed when I saw it. I went to the sofa to sit down, feeling somewhat nauseas. Daniel dashed out of the studio. Gal barked, running to my defense. "Can I get you a band-aid?" asked first-in-command, as second-in-command sat stiffly on the floor by my side. "Sure, thanks," I replied, happy Gal was there to protect me. This time Daniel's method of covering things up was required and I was glad he was there. But it was far more than that. Having lived alone for so long, I was so used to just washing injured extremity, patching it up and carrying on. But I indulged in the knowledge of my two guards, and let Daniel take care of me, while Gal remained firmly by my side. It was all going so well.

"You know what he's thinking," Daniel asked, referring to Gal, after wrapping my wound. "He just had his nuts chopped and you're moaning about a sore thumb."

…And thus ends the first three lessons in 3 months, which can be summarized in 6 words: It’s best men keep things suppressed!

Emma