I vividly recall an incident from my student days.  I was 19 and wanted a new hobby.  Since most of the extra-curricular activities in university were free, I joined the aerobics class.  Big mistake; I was useless.  Try as I might my arms refused to coordinate with my legs, nor was I ever at the same place as the rest of the class. To add insult to injury there was a group of lanky black men who exercised like they were sitting on the beach eating ice-cream… they just made it look so damned easy.  I soon quit aerobics, and moved on to badminton – but throughout the 8 lesson course I failed to hit the shuttle even once and thus ended my university sports career.

I am reminded of this as I observe with fascination how Daniel lives his life; he just makes it look so damned easy. Nothing in his life looks stressful, yet running your own business in a backward country where you don't speak the language; being married to someone whose middle name is anxiety; and cocooning both in stablility, is probably far harder than hitting the shuttle.

I've realized now – 4 months into our blissful marriage – that this is just not Daniel's tikkun (task in life he has to repair/perfect).  That being calm and logical comes as easy to him as writing nonsense using the word "black jack" six times is to me (new job, long story).  That running around a wedding for 7 hours in the heat of summer just isn't particularly challenging to him.  A bit perhaps, but not like it would be for others.  Simply put, he does it like those lanky black men did aerobics – as if he's sitting on a beach eating ice-cream.

I remember when we were dating the phrase that I kept repeating was "he just has such a nice nature, almost like a little child."  I knew what I meant and see it even more now; he's unaffected; and whatever life threw at him he just handled.  It's his nature to go with the flow, let things go and live life to the fullest – EXACTLY like children do. Hence few children have anxieties and most feel like they have no vulnerabilities and can conquer the world.  In fact, most kids get into such crazy scrapes that it's quite a wonder any of them reach adulthood.

But they do.  And Daniel did.  And for that alone I am grateful.  A couple of years before we met I saw some people bungee jumping and declared, "anyone who does that needs their head examined."  Of course Daniel showed me the video of him doing it. And then I wondered how he had. I realized simply that since it is available, anything he can get access to – in his attempt to live life to the full – he'll take, because that's what kids who haven't been affected do.  There is no concept of risks, fears or worries.  There's perhaps an abundant trust in life, or Hashem, that things will work out okay.  And for Daniel they have.  So no, it's not his challenge to remain calm; it's innate in him.

He has other challenges of course; no-one's perfect.  But he's not hard on himself like me.  He doesn't blame himself – or me – when things go wrong.  He can accept situations as they are and move on.  But with this nature of everything being great comes a slight sense of denial that anything can ever be wrong.  Like when I had to go to the doctor and Daniel accompanied me.  In the middle of a neurological exam, Daniel's cellphone rings and he yells out to the doctor, "hey, can I use your pen and pad?"  He was concerned for my well-being that day.  So I wonder if perhaps that is his tikkun; perhaps he has to recognize that there will be little bumps in life that will require his attention and that no matter how many fun things there are to do in the world, he might have to make time for non-happy events too.  But hey, explaining that to a child would probably be like me trying to hit the shuttle!

Emma