Five Month Finger-Speak
 
I'm slowly beginning to understand, that just as there's no point in raising one's voice to communicate with a non-English speaker, the same is true for males.  These individuals (of the male species) are not hard of hearing... rather they are usually inept at comprehending their spouse's language that sounds very much like English.  Just as there is a language barrier between a French- and an English-speaker, so there is with man- and woman-speak. This is just a situation one must learn to accept... and I'm learning it slowly.
 
Communication between men and women isn't easy; communication between husband and wife can be challenging; communication between two lovers can get complicated.  So now we have a dog to help us out.  Joking aside, since Daniel and I are still learning to communicate, we've found it very helpful to have a living being around who takes the heat off certain situations.  We don't argue much, but when our verbal skills prove less than adequate, it's good to focus on something real rather than something abstract (which our arguments usually are).  Reality bites (but we're training Gal not to!) and jerks us back into the moment.
 
Being in the moment... I recently attended a wedding where the rabbi discussed that under the chupa, complimenting the bride and groom on their "presentliness."  If I am to learn anything about trying to communicate with my ezer kenegdo (my 'helping opponent') it's trying to achieve "presentliness"... trying to express the difficulty with the moment rather than our whole relationship, life, world and the universe.  It's important to remember that even though it may seem thus in the midst of the argument, he is not responsible for Hurricane Katrina.
 
Husband has recently discovered his own, new [quite unique I might add] way of communicating.  He has started using fingers: one for "yes," two for "no," fourth finger along for "you look nice," etc.  Husband began engaging in this when I relayed a conversation a friend of mine (not me!) had on a date.  "Did you know," her suitor began, clearly after she had spouted some rather lengthy tale, "that according to the Gemara, after one has used all his/her allotted words, he/she dies?" he asked, inquisitively.  Apparently he wasn't ready for her to leave the world yet...
 
Perhaps said husband thought this extended to couples.  Concerned (perhaps) that I was speaking enough for us both, he began limiting his already few words.  Using fingers [he reckons] doesn't count as words.  Indeed, fingers don't have the same impact as words.
 
But I'll say a few things in favor of finger-speak:  Fingers are inoffensive; fingers lighten a situation; fingers make me laugh... forging an intimate closeness of a secret language, known only to us two.  
 
We've learnt so much from our dog who communicates so well without words.  Perhaps humans; with all their intonations, subtleties and specifics on language still have a lot to learn. Maybe new ways of communication can be developed just for men and women, husband and wife, lovers.  And maybe these ways will bring more tranquility and improved communication.  There's so much potential with finger-speak.

Emma