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We read in hrsb kf davening, ,usunj aht kthbs. The question is asked: why doesn’t it just say sunj aht kthbs? Daniel is one person, so why the plural? Baruch Hashem I answered that question when I read it this hrsb kf – because with a guy like Daniel, it’s impossible for “sweetness” to be mentioned in its singular form. Apart from the fact that the one word that’s been universal from both our friends when seeing us together has been cute (sunj), from the moment we met, everything about our relationship, how we’ve behaved toward one another and the things we’ve done together has been ,usunj – full to bursting point of cuteness.
Why has it been like that? What makes one relationship good and another bad? One easy and another difficult? One nerve-racking and another calming? One a struggle and another that from the third date the butterflies in your stomach are having such a party because all you can see in each other is good, positive, healthy and respectful?
Ironically I believe it’s contrasts. Shmuley Boteach in The Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments notes the difference between a partner and a soulmate. One of the problems of singles today is that they’re looking for a partner, and by this he means a business partner. They took a look at their stock (I have a, b, and c) and start looking for someone with the same qualities (a, b, c). This is a mistake. One looking for his soulmate says instead: “I have a, b, and c and am lacking d,” and go out looking for someone with that quality. For those of you who know me well, you probably remember how for years I thought I needed someone like me…good looking, great sense of humour…no! intense, serious, pragmatic and somewhat of a pessimist. But I realized Daniel was my soulmate because it’s him with his different qualities (most notably his gentle and calm nature) who completes me. “How can you live life like you’re the star in a Hollywood movie?” I asked. Daniel, my personal ,usunj aht simply answered: “How can you not?” Slowly but surely I’m beginning to wear his beautifully-tinted glasses and start trusting life a little more. Thank you for that.
It’s been this contrast, this laid-back, taking university classes on the beach, fun-loving attitude that has been such an eye-opener for me. When I first met Daniel I was immediately attracted to how contagiously happy he was. We had a chat on the phone: “So, what do you do?” (Mum always told me to ask that…that and “do you have a car?” since she never got over my first boyfriend not having a car and me having to pick him up!) “I’m a videographer; I film weddings, bar-mitzvahs, and stuff” (“and stuff” being one of Daniel’s more technical terms; his vocabulary is…um, how shall I put it, somewhat sketchy.) “Oh,” I replied, “do you enjoy it?” I asked. “I love it,” he answered enthusiastically and as I got to know him and find out more about him I discovered that indeed everything Daniel does and has done, he loves. At whatever bar he’s been at – from working as a bartender to having his own law firm (at the bar?) – he’s taken joy from it. He has a ohhj ,jna unparalleled in anyone I’ve ever met (expect Jeanny). Every time we go out to eat he either tries something different or tries my food (even the tofu!). When I had to take B vitamins for example, he took one too; he won’t let anything in the world go by unexperienced, if at all possible.
How does he do that? Well, given that it’s only been 2 ? months, I’m not 100% sure yet, but I can conjecture a guess. He sees Hashem in everything and thus feels it would be chutzpadik to not take pleasure in His world. A few weeks after us dating, we were sitting here in his salon and I was saying how we should learn together (you know, we have to be frum and all that) when Daniel suddenly (literally) jumped off his chair and ran on to the balcony. “Look,” he yelled gleefully. “It’s a miracle…Just up until a few hours ago it was scorching and now it’s raining. We’ve just started praying for rain…is that not complete proof of Hashem?”
Baruch Hashem from day one our dating has been fun, chivalrous, cute, beautiful, respectful and easy. Daniel showed me from the beginning how right he has his priorities (yeah! He delayed our first date so he could watch the awards ceremony as we met the day Gal got gold for Israel) and within a short time of us dating I was welcomed with open arms into his family (and really made to feel like royalty).
I could go on, but I know that when I start “talking without periods” it makes Daniel a little nervous and wonder if he’ll ever get a bit of silence. Truth is, I could end up talking into the night about his qualities. But instead, I’ll just thank you all for coming and helping us celebrate our vjna and most important of all, I think I speak for Daniel too when I publicly extend my total gratitude to the One who really made this match possible – v"cev.
May we all strive to do as much sxj in Hashem’s world – in a joyous, ,usunj way – so that we’re blessed on a daily basis with being able to enjoy it through Hollywood-movie eyes. Amen.
Emma
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