It's hard for me to visualize 9 weeks time; one trait Daniel and I share is that we're both "instant" kinda people...except in coffee; Daniel needs his ground up all proper… but I digress.

I remember in the days my parents lived in England and I vacationed there.  I used to enjoy myself but at some point visualize the departure for Israel – not necessarily because I was so looking forward to it, but since I've always had a hard time with change I used to mentally "plan" for it.

I remember, I'd be watching a TV show and a commercial would come on advertising a show in 10 days' time and I'd think to myself "I'll be back in Israel by then."

Let me explain what I mean…

I'd met this great guy – "Daniel Sass and Sass Video productions" [I hear that great US-accented voice often on his machine and can conjour up the sound in my head] at the end of August (August 25th to be exact) and by about 3 weeks later I'd decided I wanted to marry him (probably less actually!)  We discussed getting engaged around 3 1/2 months later, at Chanukah time, to break up the time between then and Pesach which was the only time we could get married, due to logistics.

Chanukah thus seemed sensible; it's the festival of lights, my Hebrew name being Meira (the root of which is light) and beginning our life as a couple in such a beautiful way, with such a great symbolism.  But then it started getting frustrating…at least for me. Daniel, as always, was far more relaxed about it with the logic of "well we know it's going to happen, so why the stress?"  Of course my inevitable answer being "why not? I stress over everything."

The reason I write this though is from that memory. In the beginning of November, I started seeing sufganiot (doughnuts traditionally eaten on Chanukah) in the stores. It reminded me of those days in England, mentally planning in my head for the upcoming future.  "Right," I thought to myself "the sufganiot are here; that means my engagement is coming shortly."  (In his beautiful way though, Daniel surprised me and proposed a few weeks earlier!)

I was a little stressed on Friday when someone asked me why I was not getting excited right now about the wedding.  I later remembered hearing a beautiful vort at an engagement party I attended some years ago.  The groom to be said: "everyone focuses on the wedding; but for me it's the engagement that's the special time, because that's when your search is over; that's when you've finally been blessed with finding your basherte; that's when that major stress in your life is gone, iy"H for good.  The wedding is just a party."

So I respond now in my head to people who wonder why I'm not "getting excited" at this point like this: I've already had that excitement; my third date with Daniel was perhaps the most exciting moment in my life; I can still picture the moment I knew I wanted this incredible guy to enhance my life from hereon out:  he was so focused on the difficulties the auditioning children were experiencing; he had such a look of concern in his eye and his constant looking at me to make sure I was okay and didn't want to leave and was happy just sitting there watching him was the excitement for me.  His "loveliness" just did it for me.

Going back to his apartment thereafter, starving and stomach butterflying and still able to only consume half a tuna sandwich which almost got stuck in my throat anyway and telling him – out of the blue, something I'd never given a thought to in my life – that come my wedding I want to design the invitations and him thinking it to be a good idea and not for one second wondering why I was imparting this information to him – that was my excitement.  I couldn't eat, sleep or do pretty much anything due to the adrenalin and nervous excitement I had at that time.  Every time I saw him it was just beautiful.

Why was that?  I believe in an ideal world that's where the excitement should be.  Orthodox Jews who follow the law and don't touch each other, only build intimacy after a wedding.  Before the wedding, when you date, you have the excitement and initial intimacy during the stages you realize you've found your partner.  Then you have to wait.

Judaism teaches quite simply, so correctly and in my opinion, so honestly: that love takes discipline; love requires waiting and real intimacy has to be achieved in the right time and the right place.

So no, I'm not hugely excited at this point for the "wedding" but no, I don't think that's strange or weird.  I think it's beautiful.  I suspect, however, when I sit on my throne, all clad in my meringue dress, and my smiling Daniel comes to check I am as odd-looking as he remembers on the bedeking that that's when my excitement (and nerves!) will start.

And thank G-d.  Thank G-d Daniel's incredible self-discipline has rendered our relationship this pure. Because it's going back to that pureness, cleanliness and holiness that will Baruch Hashem infuse our marriage with divinity, beauty, intimacy and ultimately real, loving, good excitement, not your Hollywood-infused type.

Thanks my love, thank you so much and thank You G-d.