The best things in life come to those who wait…

Something happened to me last week. I sort of experienced a loss.  I say ‘sort of’ as I never had it to start with, so by definition did not experience a loss. I just had it in the deep recesses of my imagination; that wonderful vivid part of me many of my friends catch a glimpse of now and again but that thankfully Daniel has no clue even exists.  Painful as this pseudo loss was, it taught me a very important lesson; I have lost nothing. G-d gives us everything because He wants to and if there is something we do not have, well, quite simply, we are not meant to have it.

Daniel of course, had this lesson ingrained in him long before this event occurred.  But I need little reminders of it time and again. How fascinating it is that we ask for things over and again and then still come back for more. How amazing it is that our minds work in such a twisted way, forgetting all the fine gifts we have and complaining that we do not have even more exactly when we want.

I am glad however, that the lesson sunk in pretty quickly after the non-existent loss. And I think I know why.  Without a doubt, the darkest moments of my life were encountered before I met Daniel. It fascinates and I guess concerns me a little, that he did not know me in my pre-Daniel days; would he still have wanted me with that sadness hanging over me? But it is a Catch-22 as I never had that sadness once he came in to my life. He was (and is) pure and simply, the antidote to that sadness. 

People who get married before the age of 30 will never understand this and I do not blame or resent them for that.  But what they should try to appreciate is that whatever we now go through – after waiting so long to get married – is nothing.  Pure and simple; there is nothing worse than being alone when you are 30+; there is nothing more painful than not having found the love and stability a good marriage offers, and this is emphasized even more in the confines of Israeli modern orthodox communities. So once you have overcome that obstacle, well quite frankly, everything is easy.

So why did I feel so down when I experienced this so-called loss?  Temporary amnesia. I literally forgot how blessed I was to have found the love of my life (late as I did) and to have married him. To be with someone who is ALWAYS full of the joys of life; always grateful for all his blessings and always happy just with what he has.  He is never miserable; never complains and always turns his lot around so that it is good. He literally lives out the will of G-d by doing this. As his partner, I have been privileged to have been living my life through his eyes for the last 11 months of our marriage; this quite frankly is one of G-d’s most bountiful blessings ever.  And the reminder of that reality was what shook me back to the present; yes, the present is a gift and the present I currently am privileged to exist in is the best, most beautiful, most delicious one I have ever been given. Let’s just hope that the amnesia was a one-off.

Oh, and Daniel cleaned the floors today! For the first time in our marriage, he cleaned and waxed the floor so that we can all glide dangerously around on them.  And rather than me get upset for it being the first time, I have learnt from Daniel how to take something potentially negative, turn it in to G-d’s will and see it for the positive that it is. 

Emma